Getting used to live alone but not wanting to be alone~~~~

 Hello dear self, 

I am writing this so that i can read it later when i turn 30 or even 40 to have the memories refresh ahead. 

If you are not aware. Today is actually the third day of Syawal. Yeah. Because of the pandemic now, we cannot balik kampung due to MCO 3.0. This is the second year for me Raya alone here in Kelana Jaya. 

To be honest, i am not super sad cannot balik kampung. But, i am super missing my family especially my parents & my siblings. It could be nice if i can Raya together with them. Yeah, i'm not that sad because i get used to it. I get used to be alone, to live alone. Isn't scary? I think it is not healthy to get used of living alone. Sometimes, i thought i do not need anybody in my life except my family. But, come to realize quickly that someday my brothers & sisters might have their own family. Takkan i nak still sorang-sorang kan? Yeah, kadang-kadang i fikir macam tu. Tapi, bila nak fikir to have my own small family i jadi takut. i don't even know why. 

I get mixed feelings. Sometimes, i feel like i dont want to get married. Sometimes, i feel like i want to have at least someone to live with me. At least, we can take good care of each other. Hmmm... Very complicated tho. I do think that i am too late already to get married. Huhu. I am glad now i have my good friends around me but they are not bound to always stick around me. I cannot depend on them also. 

I am such a complicated person i guess. Haihh. 

Dear Sarah. If you read this in future and you still do not have somebody beside you. Just so you know. I hope you are okay and stay strong. I believe you are stronger than you think. But, if you already have somebody by your side please be happy as well...!! Live to the fullest! 

Always put yourself first. Your own happiness is your priority and your responsibility.

Be well.